How To Get A Shy Girl To Talk To You

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Have you ever wondered how to get a shy girl to talk to you. After reading ‘How to get a shy girl to open up to you’ over at Girls ask Guys I decided to add my own 2 cents to this question.

The first thing I want you to do is answer the following question, “Have you ever thought what it must be like for the shy girl?”

For those of you who are shy this probably won’t be too much of a problem. For those of you who are pretty confident in most situations will maybe not know so much. Let’s have a closer look…

Low self esteem / confidence

Shy girls will most likely have lower self esteem or suffer from confidence issues. They will not be very comfortable in themselves and thus that’s where the problem lies. By not being very confident in themselves they will project this onto you.

Whether it’s a shy girls body language or the way they talk to you, it may come across to you as they don’t want to talk to you or they are not interested in you. However this may not be the case. They actually might really like you, but they to scared to want to talk to you.


Due to this lack of confidence / self esteem they may find it hard to talk to others. However you must make sure that you understand one critical thing. Even though she may come across like she is not interested, really deep down she might want to talk to you.

It’s a fine line between knowing whether she is interested or not. With a shy girl, this is something that you just have to judge because there is no set rule. There is no big sign that will tell you one way or the other.

But always bear in mind that because she is shy, it may come across like she is not interested when she really is. You need to look for signs shy girl likes you. Use your common sense to decide which one it is and act accordingly.

With that said, let’s move on…

What can you do?

You need to make the girl feel comfortable around you. There maybe a few things running through her head such as:

* Why is he talking to me?
* How can he find me attractive?
* Surely there is someone else that he can talk to who is better than me?

Knowing how to get a shy girl to talk to you is all about making her feel comfortable and letting her know that you are talking to her because she is a cool, interesting person to hang with.

What to do

When you start talking to her be calm and cool. It may be difficult to get her to open up but don’t let that affect you. If you are finding it hard to strike up a decent conversation them remember that it’s because she probably has low self-esteem or confidence issues and doesn’t feel that what she has to say is important enough.

Therefore you have to keep positive and keep trying to find something that will get her talking. If you hit something that she is a little more confident about because she is really into it, then you will probably find she will open up to you. You should listen to what she has to say and don’t try to dominate the conversation. Just keep the conversation relaxed and flowing.

Make sure your body language is pretty calm around her as well. Being really boisterous and very animated may make her feel uncomfortable around you. You need to make sure that you match her energy level when it comes to your body language. Otherwise you could easily scare her off.

Also make sure that you don’t talk about anything that comes across bitchy or hateful. Like slagging off someone or being mean about them. If you are able to do this about others then she will assume that you will probably say something similar about her in the future. If she is not very confident then she will most likely think this.

Final thoughts

In order to learn how to get a shy girl to talk to you, you need to realise that it’s less bout how to impress a girl and more about taking your time and a steady approach which will hopefully lead to a conversation. Don’t run in guns-blazing cos’ that will most likely make her run a mile.

You need to talk to her and dig deep to find something that she is confident enough to want to talk to you about. Once you have found one thing, as with any conversation, you will probably find a shedload more. The conversation will just flow and continue to snowball from there.

Speak soon,
David Black

image: Jazz Defo

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  • Kuhzooangel

    Really good article. Alot of shy girls can be recognized as the deer in headlights when they come across a guy they really like. I happen to be one and yes talking for a while is the only way to get me over it. Be merciful and don’t mention the seemingly vacant expression as it’s embarrassing enough. Shy girls are usually chatty in other situations depending where they are. Hobbies tv and jobs are good things to ask about.

  • ShyGirl82

    Shy girls might also tend to blush easily, or just plain disappear around a guy they like… Take it slowly, and act like you don’t mind if she does something dorky due to nerves… she’ll relax over time. It helps if you both have some activity to focus on besides eachother (like cleaning up after the party or helping a friend move house) as that can take her mind off the shyness and give you something to talk about while she gets used to you. Getting to know her online can also help her open up as well.

  • Xander

    I’m 16. There’s this girl I like and I know she deffinately liked me…I’m not sure bout now tho. I know she’s heaps shy and when ever I go to talk to her (when I knew she liked me) she would walk away to find something. Like whenever she would see me walking towards her, her or one of her friends would make up an excuse to walk away and then I’d leave n they come back a few minuites later. Could it just be that she’s THAT shy? Or does she really not like me ?? Can anyone tell what this means?
    O n I almost forgot we talk on msn almost everynight N I can tell that shes ok to talk to me there n she seems like she likes me bt the last couple of nights she hasn’t been on…

  • Devin209

    well theres this girl i like and she is kinda shy and kinda bossy she talks to me to much and bosses me around but is really shy when i ask kinda personal questions and won’t awnser is that shy or stuburn?????????????