How To Get A Shy Girl To Open Up
I have often seen questions from guys relating to how to get a shy girl. Picture this: You approach a girl, and she appears to be so shy that she struggles to keep any conversation going and can’t even relax around you. And it would appear that she will make almost any excuse to get away from you. Not because she doesn’t like you -she *does* like you- but because she is afraid.
This leaves the dilemma of how to get a girl to like you if she is a shy girl.
A shy girl may have a lack of confidence when in surroundings or with people she is not familiar with. She will usually try to shield herself away from any form of attention. If she does get noticed by you, she may behave awkwardly with a cautious attitude and use body language to hint that she is uncomfortable around you. Some shy girls have a fear of failure and will often have a secret desire to escape back into solitude. That’s because in her mind, she believes that only certain people can make her feel comfortable.
And in order for you to make her feel comfortable, you need to understand a bit more about what’s really going on…
So what makes her so shy? To understand how to get a shy girl, you need to understand what makes her shy in the first place. When you normally approach women you are completely relaxed, confident, sure of yourself, and appear to know exactly what to say to her at the right moment. To a shy girl, this can make her:
* feel inferior to you
* hesitate about what to say or do around you, and panic
* be clueless in what to say/do
* feel nervous
* fear that she is going to be rejected by you
So you want to know how to stop her being shy? First, you got realise that ’shyness’ in itself is just a state of mind. There is a confident girl in there somewhere, you just gotta give her the right stimulation to coax it out of her. There areways to get a girl to feel more confident around you.
You need to put her at ease. Do this by first being at ease yourself. This has a subtle leadership effect, and you act like a source of emotional strength that will guide her.
Remember: the strongest frame in an interaction always wins the day. If your confident frame is stronger than her shyness frame, you will influence her, and she will feel more confident.
This is like when you’re in a strange and unfamiliar situation, and you are with someone who obviously knows what they are doing. You naturally look to this person, see them as a source of strength, and follow their lead. They are like a rock.
You are that rock to her.
Also, let her know she can be herself around you. If you show her that you’re not a judgemental person, then she’s more likely to be immediately comfortable around you.
Show her that you are not just randomly talking to her just for the sake of it. Show her that you genuinely want to get to know her. You can do this by not just talking about yourself, but by taking a step back and listen to what she has to say. Give her your full attention.
Be aware if you are putting her on the spot too much, as this can be taking it to far and make her uncomfortable again. As you start to learn about her likes and dislikes, if there’s anything you two share in common then you might want to talk more into that. By doing this, helps her feel more relaxed and accepted around you.
If she wants to say something to you and changes her mind at the last minute, tell her that you want to hear what she has to say and ask her what she wanted to say. She’ll do this because she wants to to tell you something, but hasn’t yet got the confidence to say it. When asking her about it, don’t be seen as ‘too pushy’. If it looks like she doesn’t want to tell you after a couple of attempts, then let her know that you are there if she wants to talk to you and leave it as that. If you do this, this can make her feel confident that she can open up to you in the future.
Always remember that shy girls need more time to adapt around you than confident, extroverted women. If she starts feeling at ease and you ask her out for a date straight away, the fear of rejection and nerves will come running back. Start things slow by doing fun activities together. This can can an interest you both share (e.g. golf, bowling, nature) or a new experience you can both enjoy.
Finally, when it comes to how to get a shy girl, never attempt to gossip or mention anything negative about others when you’re around her! This does two things: It makes her feel very self conscious and paranoid about the way she is seen by others. It also tells her that you’re not someone she can trust and she will worry that as soon as her back is turned, you could easily speak about her the same way. This can definitely affect what she says and does around you and may stop her from opening up to you.
The key thing to remember with shy girls is to be the strong leader. With a confident girl you don’t need to do all the work because she will be willing to speak up. However with a shy girl you need to put in all the work, make all the decisions, shoulder all the responsibility and take all the risks. You need to be the man in the equation, the strong on. Bottom line, you gotta man-up son!
image: Jazz Defo
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