Secrets Of How To Date Women
Ok, this post is going to cover the fundamentals of how to date girls.
We’re gonna start off with a few common mistaken ideas many guys have about how to date a woman. Quite often, these are caused by our (well meaning) Mothers, sister, female friends and the media.
Even some so-called dating tips sites, that claim to teach how to date women and how to approach women are perpetuating useless and unsound advice.
This is not always the case though. For a good example of an article written by a woman, who actually ‘gets’ these issues, and expresses them well, check out this link. Nicely done, we need more women like you.
I call these mistakes ‘Common Falsehoods’
Common Falsehood #1 – Looks Matter
Women respond to personality to such a greater extent than looks in men that it makes a man’s looks insignificant when it comes to how to get women.
Looks might get you a bit of ‘attention’ from women but this is not to be confused with ‘attraction’ from women. Good looking guys may get approached every so often by a particularly bold woman, but so what?
If you have learned how to approach women consistently yourself (and this is a skill that is totally possible for *you* to master), then this is not even an issue.
Don’t mistake attention for attraction.
You won’t find many other ‘dating advice sites out there’ that actually get this, and have seen it in reality. The stuff I write about is all based on real-world proven stuff that works.
Common Falsehood #2 – It’s a ‘Numbers Game’
Wrong. This attitude implies that you have to get lucky, or that attracting women is a gamble. Not so!
The lottery is a numbers game. Attracting women is a learnable skill. It’s like saying driving a car is a numbers game. It just makes no sense!
Learn the principles here, master the skills here, and the only numbers you’ll be dealing with are phone numbers… (There’s a reason I’m not a stand-up comedian, can’t quite put my finger on it though…).
Common Falsehood #3 – You Have To Get Her Family’s Approval – Yuck!
You are a man. Men do what they want, without looking around for anyone else’s approval.
You grab life by the balls and go after what you want. Who cares what others think of your actions? If you want something, go get it.
The only person’s approval you need for anything you do in life, is your own.
Common Falsehood #4 – You Must Try Not To Offend Her – Barf!
Did you just step out of a DeLorean? Because last time I checked, it is 2008, not 1948. “Doc, you gotta send me back!”
‘Trying not to offend women’ is an outdated concept that goes back to times before women were even allowed to work, or even vote. We pretty much let them get away with that now ;-)
Times have changed, women are a lot more like you than the media and your upbringing would have you think. Women love to talk about ‘naughty’ stuff, more so than anything else.
Just be cool, and not sleazy and you can talk about pretty much anything.
An *awesome* example of this is Howard Stern. If you have never listened to or watched any of his stuff, go find some. You will learn loads.
Look at the way he is so bold with girls talking about sexual stuff, and look at his female guests’ reactions – they giggle, look at him doe-eyed and blush. Guess what? They are attracted to him.
Common Falsehood #5 – You Need To Impress Her By Buying Her Things
This is another concept that is now totally outdated. You think you can ‘buy’ getting into bed with her? wake up. This is not how to impress girls.
Women on the whole separate guys into two categories in their heads (consciously or not, this is what happens): 1. Lover or 2. Provider
The lover types are responsible for physical pleasure and awesome emotions. They are the ones women have sex with, go out and have great times with, have adventures with, etc.
The provider types are responsible for administration stuff in her life. They are responsible for driving her places, buying her dinners or jewelry, helping her with work or studies, etc.
Take a look at yourself and say honestly which type are you. You cannot be both.
Now ask yourself which type you want to be?
Weren’t you doing all that ‘provider’ stuff to try and become her ‘lover’ anyway? Well you can’t get there from here. You have to stop trying to buy her affections with good deeds. This is how to get girls. This is how to get a girlfriend.
Rick H. quote time baby, “No good deed goes unpunished.” Think about it.
The Single Biggest Thing That Is Often Holding You and Me Back
There is one single thing that, above all else holds us guys back when it comes to getting what we want in this area of our lives, including when it comes to ‘asking women out’.
That thing is Fear of Rejection.
You are about to ask that woman from work you’ve had your eye on out on a date, suddenly you feel that churning, burning sensation in your stomach. Butterflies some call it.
You start shaking and your mind goes blank. Your hands feel clammy. You just want to run away.
That is fear of rejection in full effect!
How To Get Over It
There is a way to deal with this. The single most effective way to get over fear is to be well prepared. You need a game plan.
When actors know their lines inside out, they can deal with stage fright. When musicians have rehearsed their set so much they can play it in their sleep, they can deal with butterflies.
When I say game-plan, I do not mean an A-B-C style procedure. Nor do I mean a memorised script that you have practised infront of a mirror. Those things are crutches.
If you are just starting out, then sure they can be of use. But soon you want to discard them and be what I refer to as ‘The Real Deal’. If I was a wrestler, that would be my stage-name. And ‘Wake Up’ by Rage Against The Machine would be my entry music, Raaaaaargh!
Anyway, back to reality. What I’m talking about here is not an A-B-C formula. It’s more of a general idea of what you want out of a situation, and how to achieve this desired outcome.
So for example, in the ‘asking a girl out’ situation, my game plan would be as follows:
- Approach a woman (a skill that I have learned).
- Be my natural, attractive self with her, and she will be attracted to me (using ’skills’ such as storytelling, banter, roleplay, etc.)
- Express my genuine attraction for her (after finding something that I am genuinely attracted to, which is also a learnable skill.)
- Connect for a while (another learnable skillset that includes sharing some values and aspirations, outlook on life, etc.)
- Be the leader when it comes to setting up us getting together in the future, including telling her to give me her number. (Guess what? This is a skill too.)
How To Get ‘Dates’
If you haven’t watched my How To Meet More Women For The Rest Of Your Life video yet, you should do. I cover these skills in detail in this video. Including detailed step-by-step and word-for-word examples and ways to approach women.
Click Here To Watch The Video Right Now
If you have watched the video, good on ya. Here’s a quick recap:
- Get mutual attraction first.
- Connect on a more deeper level.
- Exhibit strong leadership when you close.
The Next Step
The next step once you have her number is to arrange the meeting.
You have a few options here:
- Then & there
- Over the phone
- Over sms (text messaging)
The order above is important. Ideally you want to set up the date then and there in person. Next best thing is over the phone, and then last over text messages.
Then & there is best because you have chemistry going in that moment. She feels it, you feel it. Meeting up is natural.
When you try and do this over the phone or sms, you have a disconnect between what she did feel, and her current state when you call or text. You have to build that back up.
That is hard work. And I’m all about efficiency. Another word for it is lazy :-) There’s no point in doing extra work when you don’t have to.
If she is really head-over-heels for you, then yeah setting things up over text can work. But the likelihood is if she is not totally smitten with you, that she’s either gonna make some excuse to not meet, or she’s gonna stitch you up at the last minute (personal experience talking here).
So go for setting things up in person. It is sooo much easier.
What To Do On The ‘Date’ – Coming Soon To a Blog Near You
This post is already way too long. Soon I’ll write about what to actually do when you are out on a ‘date’.
Here’s a sneak ‘bullet point’ preview:
- Fun activities you can collaborate on (think about how many people get together from this situation naturally in life – work together, projects together, course together, etc.)
- How to ‘engineer’ this situation yourself so the rest happens naturally.
- How it’s more a question of ‘not doing anything dumb’
- How to express your personality – stories, joke with her, flirt/tease, make fun of others together, roleplay.
- The power of going to several places (will seem like you have done loads, spent loads of time together).
- How to escalate physically, step-by-step.
Laters,
David Black
image credit: ibm4381
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