Master Your Confidence With Women
You can learn all the tricks, techniques and tips that you like. But you will find none of it counts for squat when it comes to attracting women, unless you have what I call Core Confidence with women – this is the key in how to attract women.
Have this, and all that effort you used to have to put in flirting, getting phone numbers, and all that jazz, all that effort will seems like such a ball-ache. Women will be naturally attracted to you, with little or no ‘performance effort’ required.
The ‘Gaffer Tape’ Solution
Usually the way that guys start with ‘how to pick up girls’ is by learning a bunch of lines and routines, which they then use when trying to flirt with women.
Don’t get me wrong, doing that will work, for a short time. But nothing gets away from the fact that it is superficial and forced.
Where I’m from, this is referred to as an ‘ugly hack’ solution. A bodge. Like fixing something using gaffer tape. It’s gonna break again, soon, and probably worse than before.
It wraps a bodged layer of tape around a fundamentally busted piece of machinery. The machinery is your core identity.
Rather than do this, the best way is to fix the underlying ‘issues’.
I used to know a guy, Alan. Now Alan had some messed up experiences in his past, and as a result had no confidence with women.
But Alan was so afraid of his own mind that he didn’t want to confront the underlying causes.
He just consumed product after product, routine after routine, gimmick after gimmick. He was looking for the ever elusive ‘magic bullet’.
He learned how to approach women, theories on how to date women, and all manner of pick up lines.
But his success with women stayed at rock-bottom. He came across weird and creepy to girls, like some kind of robot. They were repelled by him.
In the end I had to part ways with him, because he just refused to deal with the underlying causes of his lack of confidence and manliness.
When I did, he was in a minimum wage, dead-end job, living with his mum (who still bought all his clothes for him, at 30 years old). He was so needy and desperate to get a girlfriend, and inside he was really sad and alone.
But this doesn’t have to be the case, you are different…
The Solution – Be The ‘Real Deal’
Normally if you ask a woman how to attract another woman, she will give you the eternal, “Just be yourself.” Vague, formless, and ultimately unactionable advice.
I believe that women here are trying to express something profound, but something gets lost in the translation from biology to speaking. What they really mean is, in part:
“If you don’t have an attractive personality and character, then don’t fake it.”
What I’m referring to here, the ‘Real Deal’ is the real ‘Be Yourself’ solution.
Believe it or not, you have an attractive male personality and character laying dormant inside you. Through a combination of media, society, school and family influences when growing up and continuously to this day.
We are bombarded daily with endless streams of advertising, reality tv and all that other junk, perpetuating these messed-up ideas that men should feel guilty for their natural feelings and urges, and that women should be ‘worshiped from a distance’.
And what’s worse is that these messages are designed to bypass your conscious processing, and go straight into the subconscious, so you don’t even question their validity. Sinister and sneaky to say the least.
So how do you reclaim this repressed masculine power and express your inner-man? Here’s some principles:
Know Thyself
You need to do a bit of soul-searching. The more familiar you are with your values and beliefs, the more comfortable you will be as a man.
You will be able to make decisions in a heartbeat, will feel like your character is strong, and you will be more self-assured. Just from being more familiar with yourself.
For ideas on values you may have, or wish to aspire to, see this list: http://humanityquest.com/
Confront Your Inner-Demons
This is a dangerous, unpredictable and pretty scary subject.
This is a highly personal area for everyone. Carl Jung had some interesting ideas based around the concept of The Shadow, which exists inside all of us that we are unaware of.
Watch this space for more detail on this subject. I feel another specific post coming.
Sort Your Relationship With Your Immediate Family
There’s a great book on this subject that was recommended to me a while back, its Radical Honest by Brad Blanton. Absolutely awesome, read it and do what he suggests. It’s liberating. It’s mentioned in Double Your Dating, I believe.
Take Life By The Balls
Start standing up for yourself in life. Doesn’t even have to be in a big way to begin with.
Some small examples are:
- When someone is sitting in your cinema seats, ask them to move.
- In a queue, call people out for pushing inline in front of you.
- Complain (with respect) about poor standard of service in a business.
More Experience, Not More Information Is The Answer
You will find you naturally start exhibiting the body language to attract women, because you are becoming attractive from the core. Forget about learning dating tips, and cheesy flirting stuff. You are gonna be the real deal.
So get out there and confront things head-on. Start living life by seat of your pants and stop being so cautious.
After a while, you’ll find that scary experiences become merely uncomfortable. You can deal with anything.
Laters,
David Black
image credit: Carbon Images
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